Hey awesome people!
I have walked the face of the earth for
twenty years, ten months, fifteen days and an
undefined number of seconds (I am still
walking on it 🙂 ). I once lay on the evergreen
grass patch behind our homely Kiganjo house
I made a mental note to tell Daktari, then it hit
me that the conversation would be strange.
“What do you mean, “You’re feeling trapped?”
He would ask, propping his chin with his pen,
his rugged expression narrow with humor.
Where exactly would I start?
I need to stop being subject to the laws of
science, like matter and gravity. When I see a
wall, I want to scale it in my six inch stilettos
without landing hard on my gluteus and
cracking some vertebra. I want to dance on
the ceiling; moonwalk like Michael Jackson
and sway like Britney Spears. I want to climb
trees with the agility of a monkey and scare
away bad humans with my fangs, like a
leopard does. I want to walk through hills and
reach directly into mum’s snack cabinet
without having to break into it. I want to sit on
the runway whilst an Airbus A-380 is coming
in for landing without freaking out. I would
love to jump from the Everest and scream
through the eight kilometer drop without a
parachute and not bust my skull.
I wish I didn’t have to count the calories in my
food and eat no more than 1200 of them. I
want to eat fries, chicken, pastries, meat, salty
and sugary stuff without ever looking like a
walking display of the effects of what they
call a ‘poor diet’. I want to relax at the beach
in a bikini, look like a busted can of corned
beef or cheese and not give a damn. I want
to fit into any dress, especially those cute
high-lows and leather skater dresses made
for girls with 48% of my waist circumference.
Moreover, I want to go swimming with my
lovely and toned classmates and not feel like
I have an inbuilt floater on my waist.
I need to stop being subject to the concept of
time. I am not for silly unspoken rules like ‘Be
up by 0700hrs, attend that 0900hrs class and
within that time, jog, brush your fangs, have a
quick cold bath without getting a mild stroke,
consume 3 liters of stiff coffee to shoo sleep
away and brown bread for the Chromium
reserves, carry the right books and walk to
school. Why can’t I rise 0300hrs, jog, have
dinner, go back to bed…something
disorganized like that and be perfectly fine?
Why should I have to sweat all the way
instead of snapping my fingers and appearing
in the right class? (Most times I arrive on time
only to get late trynna find my class in the
wrong hemisphere of school).
I want to stop being shy. It is the only barrier
between me and the girls I would love to be
my friends, and the reason my crushes
remain just that. Crushes. For once I need to
stop being so subject to my emotions and
what people feel about me. Nothing would
please me better than to have a blank or
sleepy expression while facing this planet’s
bullies, instead of having my eyes melt
hopelessly. I do not want to be subject to the
cliché ‘No man is an island’. I want to enjoy
my own company and not feel neither empty
I want to be infinitely good. I want to be a
great hip-hop dancer, ballet dancer, model,
skater, swimmer, singer, poet and actress. I
want to run at 110 km/hr and not at 3 km/hr,
after which I flip out and feel my lungs
begging to crawl out my nose,where the
Oxygen bounty is. I want to be good in math
and organic chemistry and bioengineering. I
want to be a lawyer, psychologist, geneticist,
rugby player and sniper when I grow up.
More than everything on this planet, I want to
protect everyone and everything I love. I want
to be at everyone’s service. I want to protect
the young children in Baringo County, Syria,
ISIS held areas and other places from PTSD. I
wish I could cover their eyes from the horrific
scenes of their parents being executed and
homes being razed to the ground. I want to
heal everyone in hospital and at home that is
in severe pain and has no access to funds or
painkillers. I wish I could protect us from
rapidly mutating viruses, armed militia that
shoot us in the head without a second
thought, rogue police, rapists, bad teachers,
thieving politicians, illness and pain. I wish our
families would stay intact and we enjoyed
happiness and a pure and infinite peace of
In short, I want to be a free spirit, roaming
wild, naked and free. No barriers, no positive
and negative attributes, no meds. Just me.
However, time has not come for me to be a
free spirit yet. So I will remain trapped in my
imperfectly perfect body and will do
everything it takes to feel happy and okay.
Like eat healthy and avoid the beach.
Originally posted on http://www.blue radioactivity.co.ke